Adult educators reflect on the labeling praise that they were given when they were kids.
ANONYMOUS: When I was in elementary school, I was often told by
my teachers that I was smart. Rather than making me feel good about
myself, this compliment often produced anxiety in me. I felt like I
had to somehow prove my "smartness" by being extremely good at
everything I did in school. When I was placed into the accelerated
math class in 6th grade, I panicked that I was going to struggle to
excel. I lied to my mother, telling her that I hated my teacher, so
that she would help me get placed in the regular class, where I knew I
could live up to my label of being "smart". It wasn't until I went to
high school, with larger classes and a whole new set of teachers that
didn't label me, that I began to take risks and challenge myself
academically.
I discussed this aspect of labeling with some of my friends last
night, several of whom had similarly negative experiences related to
being labeled as "smart". My friend Kevin believes that his
frustration tolerance for difficult tasks was significantly lowered by
being called smart. He would very upset when something was difficult
for him -- he was supposed to be a "smart" kid, so why was this or
that hard to accomplish? My friend David reflected that after being
labeled smart by his teachers he stopped working as hard in school,
because he figured he didn't need to do so, given the innate
intelligence his teachers saw in him.
I was also quite compelled by the section related to promoting
self-recognition in praise-resistant students. I have definitely
worked with students for whom praise seems to go in one ear and out
the other. These students often felt badly about themselves,
regardless of the quality of work that the produced. By asking the
students themselves to identify what they have done that is
praise-worthy, one can force students to absorb the worth of their
work product. However, I also wonder if there are some students who
are so deeply convinced that they are "dumb" that they would not be
able to recognize positive aspects of their work.
As for criticism, I strongly believe in the idea of rejecting the
child's behavior, not the child. Linguistically, the difference
between the two can be subtle, but it is crucial. As an attorney who works for a group that
advocates for children, I worked with students with emotional and
behavioral challenges. So many of the students with whom I spoke,
especially the older ones, seemed to think of their behavioral
challenges as an integral part of who they were, unable to be changed.
Speaking with a 10th grader who had been suspended from school for
punching his classmate, I asked what had happened to trigger the
punch. He shrugged his shoulders and responded, "I'm a bad guy. It's
just who I am." I suspect that he had been labeled so often by his
teachers and other adults that he was no longer able to separate his
own behaviors and actions from who he was. If he had been able to
identify what it was that had set him off, perhaps the possibility of
changing his behavior in the future would seem more attainable.
.
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NICOLE: After reading the two articles on praise, I found myself thinking about my
childhood in school. I was definitely part of the 1990s culture, in which students
were praised consistently for non-challenging tasks. We were constantly called
smart and intelligent. I am a definite victim of perfection praise.
As a result
of these types of praises, I am hesitant to try new things or engage in more
difficult tasks for fear of not being “smart”. For example, I can recall distinctly the
5th grade spelling bee. First, we had a class spelling bee in which I won.
Therefore, I was going to enter the school spelling me to win a chance to
represent the school in the district-wide spelling bee. I was so nervous and gave
up my spot to the runner up out of fear that I would not succeed. I was also
embarrassed that if I did lose, teachers and adults would not be proud of me and I
will not look as intelligent as they thought I was.
I think that perfection praise is dangerous. I am a perfectionist and my
parents and teachers often praised things that I have done perfectly. Currently,
perfection is my biggest flaw. My perfectionist tendencies cause me to spread
myself thin, and often make me unhappy if I cannot do everything perfectly and
completely in a timely fashion. This could sometimes lead to great stress and
turmoil. I think that by praising actions, adults and teachers are not only sending
clear and safe messages, they are also teaching at the same time.
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My factory town parents beamed with pride… My dad who had to leave school in 8th grade (of 12 grades in the USA) to support his family when his dad died, and mom, a child of immigrants who was adopted by a working class family when tragedy befell her first family. From these two misfortuned and hard-working people emerged a child who was declared intellectually “gifted”. Niagara Falls, an industrial-based city was far ahead of the times in starting up programs for advanced learners. They selected Tom as one of the 20 members of the first-ever gifted education class. He would learn advanced things with advanced speed with the same group of bright lights for 4th, 5th, and 6th grades (ages 10, 11, & 12).
In those pre-inclusion days, the junior high school (grades 7 to 9) and senior high school (grades 9-12), used “tracking”. Students were placed into the “basic”, “average”, or “honors” sequence of classes for the remainder of their public school career. Oddly, all of the students in Tom’s academic group were “tracked” into the honors level… all except Tom. While his former cohort of quick learners would go on to dissect sharks, devise devices to demonstrate properties of physics, and act out scenes from Shakespeare, Tom would watch the movies on “earth science”, complete the worksheets in geometry, and sit silently bored through 45 minute presentations on the day’s popular literature. Outside of class, he would hear of the fascinating challenges provided his former classmates while he sat friendless and undermotivated in his teacher-lecture classes filled with kids from other “feeder schools” to the high schools.
While sitting slumped in his seat he would wonder what happened. Why was he the only one of his 3-year class to be placed in the average track? He had received higher grades than many of the children in his former cohort. He had tutored classmates who didn’t grasp onto concepts as quickly as he had absorbed them. Was he separated from his support group due to a clerical error? Or… was it what he eventually came to believe... educators found out, after 3 years of monitoring him in the advanced class, that he wasn’t all that bright? He accepted the harsh reality: He wasn’t as smart as he was told back in earlier days. They finally discovered that he had errantly been assigned that label of intellectuality back in 4th grade.
Tom, broken-winged, gave a half-hearted effort during his adolescent years, distressed that he didn’t have what it took to be a stellar learner. He came to accept that it was just the ways things were… he was “average” and was capable of only “average” work. This image was verified by Tom’s guidance counselor who steered him toward a blue-collar future in the industrial culture of his town. Tom, not having the wherewithal and courage to walk through the factory gates to fill out an application for an entry level job in that smokey, dirty environment, enrolled at the local community college in "police science". He was to become a law enforcement officer.
However, he would not finish that course of study. One junior-college class fascinated him and re-ignited his passion for learning: Abnormal psychology. He would find a path to a terminal degree in an area related to abnormal psych: The education of students with emotional and behavioral disorders... kids whose environment and mental health concerns placed them at risk for negative life outcomes. Now he shares his passion for this area of study, and dedication to these challenged students on the BehaviorAdvisor.com website.
Author: Tom McIntyre www.BehaviorAdvisor.com
www.BehaviorAdvisor.com
