KidBookExcerpts

*Please be aware that the book is full of illustrations and varied formatting that cannot be shown here.

From Chapter 1 ("Introduction")

What Is BD? What Does It Mean?
That's a good question. BD stands for "behavior disordered". It means that teachers think that your behavior needs to change so that you learn better in school and get along better with others. They are using special ways to help you learn to behave better in school. The behaviors that they are trying to teach you will also help you get along better with your family and the kids who live near you. These new ways of acting will also help you to get a good job (and keep it) and be a good parent when you are an adult.

You might hear some people say "ED" instead of "BD". ED means "emotional disturbance". Many people (like me) don't like to use ED because not all of the behaviors that kids like you need to work on are caused by emotions and feelings. Some behaviors DO come from feelings like being mad or upset. But many kids with BD show the wrong behaviors for other reasons.

Some people like to say "EBD". It means "emotional or behavior disorder". They know that some kids behave differently because of their feelings, while other kids show the wrong behaviors for other reasons.

This book will use BD because it is used so much in books and when teachers talk. If it were up to me, we would say "CC". CC would mean "choice challenged". That is because the goal for all kids with BD is to learn to make better choices: Choices about which behaviors to show in school and at home.

This book will help you to make the choices that will help you get along with others at school and home. These choices will also help you when you are outside with other kids. This book will say "challenged" a lot because that is what you face...challenges. These new challenges are like hurdles that runners must jump over in their races. You will be jumping over new hurdles, behavior hurdles, that will help you to win in the race of life.

It is important to know that being labeled BD is not a punishment. You were given the label BD because teachers want you to be a success in life. They want to be sure that you get the special help that will let you make better decisions. Then you can learn better in school, make more friends, and enjoy your life more.

What good choices did you make in the last couple of days?
Which choices were not so good because they got you in trouble?
What should you have done instead?
Practice that better choice right now. Really! Pretend that you are back in that situation and say or act out the right behavior. This practice will help you remember to make better choices in the future.

__________________
*Words with a star or "asterisk" behind them are explained in the "Glossary" in Appendix A in the back of this book

What BD Does Not Mean
It is hard to explain what BD means. But there are some things that it is NOT: It does not mean that you are "bad". Yes, sometimes people use that word. They are very upset at the behavior they saw. They are angry at that behavior and wish that you had made a better choice.

They should have said "You are a good kid, but the behavior is bad and needs to stop." or "I like you, but I don't like that behavior." The reason you're making wrong choices is because you learned wrong choices or are feeling bad, NOT because you are bad. This book will help you to make better choices and handle your feelings better so that people don't get so darn upset that they say awful things to you. This book will also give you ways to help other people change their bad behaviors and wrong choices.

BD does not mean you are "crazy" either. People who are "crazy" have no control over what they do. You have control over many behaviors and will learn to have control over other ones soon. People sometimes use words that hurt like "weird", "strange", and "nuts" when they see others make wrong choices about behavior. As you learn to make better choices about your behavior, those angry words that hurt so much will stop. You should know that you'll have to make the right choices for quite a while if you want people to know that you have really changed your ways forever. Another challenge for you will be to keep making good choices even when other people think you can't keep doing it.

Some kids think that everyone in special classes is retarded*. That is not true. Very few special ed kids are "retarded". You get special help because of your behavior, not because you learn slowly. You'll learn even faster when you make better choices about behavior when you are in class.

What awful things have people said to you? When did they say them? What behaviors were they upset about? What behaviors did they want you to show?

It's Tough To Be A Kid With BD
Boy, that's the truth! Kids with BD wish they didn't have it. Teachers and other adults often get upset with you. Other kids sometimes make fun of you or don't want to be friends with you.

“I don’t like having BD. It keeps me out of classes and other kids don’t want to be around me. It really hurts me. Sometimes, I get really angry and want to hurt those kids. I get mad at myself too. I hate BD. It’s messing up my life.”

Changing the way you behave in different situations is really hard. It's easier to just keep acting in the same old ways, even when they don?t work well. Even when you try the different ways, they sometimes don't feel right because they are new to you. Sometimes people don't give you the reaction you want from them either. They might not notice how you're trying to change. Or maybe they notice, but they still don't tell you what you want to hear. Your challenge is to keep believing that if you make better choices, things will get better as time goes on.

Have there been times when you made the right choice and no one noticed? Were there times when you made the right choice and other people still treated you bad?

End of Excerpt

From Chapter 5 (Making Good Choices in Class)

Read what these kids with BD say about school:

"I like to say funny things about the lesson when teachers are teaching. Usually the other kids laugh. Some teachers laugh, but others don't. It depends on the teacher. Mr. Kelso makes jokes back and we have lots of fun while we learn. Miss Sanford never laughs. I end up in trouble in her class. Knowing when its OK to say funny things and when to keep my jokes to myself isn't easy."

"My regular class teachers don't give me lots of help like Mr. Mohammed, my special ed teacher. Sometimes when the work gets hard, I start fooling around with other kids. This gets me in trouble. But I wouldn't get in trouble if the teacher would just give me some help!"
_______________________________

Many kids with BD don't like school (or some parts of it). After all, it's not fun or rewarding to be in a place where the teachers and kids get upset with you. But things can change if you learn the "tricks" that have helped other kids with BD. You know from reading chapter 2 ("Why am I in a program for kids with BD?") that the main reason kids are labeled BD is because they make bad choices about their behavior in class. This chapter gives you ways to make better choices in class. Then you'll find that you like school more of the time and learn more things that will help you to be a success in life.

1. Be Prepared
When you get ready to leave the hallway and go into a classroom, think about what behaviors you need to show in there to be a success. Remind yourself to do them.

Think about which class you are in at 10 am. Now think of the rules and expectations for that class. What behaviors should you remind yourself to show before you go into the classroom? Now think about your class at 1 pm. What rules do you need to remember in there? What are the rules for your art class? What are the rules for home room? What are the rules for riding the bus? What are the rules for lunch in the cafeteria? How about assemblies in the auditorium?

2. Ask for help from others
A good way to make your chances of success stronger is to ask other kids to stop you if they see you make a bad choice about behavior. Just be sure to remember that they're helping you to do the right thing. Don't get mad at them. Just nod 'yes' and then show the right behavior. Be sure to thank them after class.

Can you think of a student in each of your classes who would remind you to show the right behaviors? If so, ask them to help you.

What signal can that kid use so that s/he doesn't get in trouble when helping you? Should you tell the teacher about your signal so that s/he knows what is going on?

End of Excerpt

From Chapter 8 (Getting Along at Home)

Ahhh...It’s great to be home. But sometimes parents don’t understand the challenges of BD like teachers do. They might react different than teachers when kids make good and bad choices. Sometimes, parents don’t know the ways to help kids with BD make better choices. That’s because they haven’t gone to college to learn the things that teachers learn. Parents love their kids, but some might not know how to help kids meet challenges and reach goals. This chapter will give you ways to help your parent(s) help you.

A lot of parents don’t understand how hard it is for kids with BD to make right decisions. Some parents think their BD kids should make the right choices every time. Sometimes they don’t know how hard their kids are working on making good ones. Some parents forget to pay attention to the good choices their kids make, and get mad when they still make some bad ones. They might think that their kids are just being lazy, or maybe even making bad choices on purpose. If this happens to you, you probably get upset. When kids are not understood, they can get pretty darn upset.

Read what these kids say about being at home:
“I live with my grandma. She loves me a lot and does nice things for me. But when I make mistakes, she really gets mad and says mean things to me. She even says that I’m no good. It really hurts when I hear her say these things. I get afraid that she won’t let me stay with her anymore. Then I try to do nice things for her, but she still stays mad for a long time.” -Sabrina, age 10
“My mom and my teacher talk a lot about helping me make good choices. They try to work together to help me do better. My mom’s boyfriend doesn’t think that they are doing the right things. He tells my mom to ‘get tough’ with me. He’s always yelling at me and bossing me around. When I do what he says, he tells me that I did it wrong.” That makes me mad. Sometimes I ignore him and walk away. Sometimes I get so upset that I yell back at him. That really gets me in trouble. We don’t get along very well.” Antonio, age 11
“I like being at home. I can relax and just be myself. I can do what I want. I don’t have to worry about a teacher watching me all the time.” Tyrice, age 12

Parents can have different ways of trying to help their kids behave better. Some parents are very good at helping their kids make better choices. Others haven’t learned the best ways to help their kids make good choices.

It’s important to remember that parents love their kids, even if they don’t know the best ways to help their kids. It’s easier to change when others help you, but sometimes kids with BD have to work on making better choices all by themselves. You can make changes yourself. That is something to be very proud about.

End of Excerpt

Take a time out
How can you avoid making bad choices when you get mad? Take a time out. Stop yourself from doing anything wrong. Instead, say in a nice voice, “I need to be alone for a little bit.” Then leave and go to a place where you can be by yourself. Go to your room. Go to the bathroom. Take a walk.

While you’re alone, work on a solution. Instead of just being mad, try to think of a way to make things better. Think about what you will say or do when you see your parents or siblings again. If you did some things wrong, take responsibility for them. Apologize and promise to do better? If it’s not your fault, can you think of an “I message” to use? Can you think of a complaint sandwich? Can you think of some things that you can suggest to keep the problem from happening in the future? Think of how you will make those suggestions in a nice way so that everyone works together to solve the problem.

Activity: Think about a time when you were arguing and no one was really listening to the other person. Pretend that it is happening again. Can you give yourself a time out? What words will you use before you leave? Where can you go to be by yourself? What solution will you suggest when you come back? What words will you use to tell them about your plan?

Ask for a sandwich
Many parents tell kids what NOT to do (“Don’t do that!”). It would be better for them to tell kids what they want them to do. If your parents tell you what to stop doing, be polite and ask them to say it in a different way. Ask them to tell you exactly what they would like you to do. If you get an answer like “Be good.”, ask them to tell you the actions they want to see you show.
Oh...the sandwich? It’s not a food sandwich. It’s a “compliment sandwich”. When you have a chance to talk with your parent(s), talk about a new way to remind you to do things they want you to do. Ask them to give you a reminder, then tell you one thing they like about you, and then remind you again. If they use a “sandwich”, you’ll know what to do right now, and will hear a good thing about yourself.

Even better, maybe your parents could give you a “double decker” sandwich. They can say something they like about you or what you have done well. Then they can tell you what you should have done. Then they can finish by saying something nice about you (It can be the same thing as before or something different). Then you’ll do the right thing (or figure out how to make things better) so that they’ll use a sandwich again next time.

Here’s an example: “You were really playing nice with your brother in the beginning. Thanks for being such a good brother. (This is the end of the first compliment.) But remember that he’s a lot smaller than you. It really hurt him when he got tackled so hard. (This is the end of the complaint.) I know you’ll be gentle with him from now on, just like you were doing before.” (This is the second compliment.) Then you apologize and play nicely with your brother again.

Read the statements. Which one is a compliment sandwich? Which one is a double decker sandwich? Which one is just a complaint?
“The dirty dishes are in the sink and it’s your turn to do them. Be sure to do a super job on them just like you did last time. Do them now please.”
“You forgot to take out the garbage again. What’s your problem? It’s the only chore we ask you to do.”
“I remember how great your room looked yesterday. But right now it looks like a tornado was in there. I know you’ll make it look perfect again before dinner, right?

Make your own sandwich for this situation: You are trying to put together a really hard jig-saw puzzle. Your sister wants to help you, but she puts pieces in the wrong places and is breaking parts of the puzzle that you have put together. You’re gettting upset, but remember to use a sandwich and a nice voice to get her to stop. She is trying to help you, but you don’t want the puzzle messed up.

Make a plan to solve problems
What things seem to cause problems again and again at home? Is it doing your homework? Remembering to do your chores? Getting in arguments with your brothers or sisters? Think about what thing causes problems over and over again. Make a plan to handle the problem better. Then put the plan into action. Later, think about if your plan worked or not. If your plan worked, keep doing it. If it didn’t work, think of a new plan and try it.

Maurice has a problem doing his homework. He forgets to bring it home a lot. Other times, he brings it home but plays first, eats dinner and then watches TV. By the time he thinks about doing the homework, he is feeling too tired. He knows that the teacher will be upset and give him a zero grade. He knows that his parents will find out from the teacher and then they will be upset. What plan can Maurice make to be sure that his homework gets done each day?

Think of something that keeps causing arguments at home. Make a plan for solving that problem. Try it out and think about if it was a good plan or not. Need help doing this? If you do, go back to Chapter 3 and read the parts on “problem solving” and “mirror talking”.

End of Excerpt