Stories

This writing sample is an exerpt from a homework assignment of a student in Dr. Mac's behavior management course.  The author inspires me.  Her last sentence concerns me.
     "This is my first practicum situation, and I was pretty nervous about starting.  I remembered your constant urging to focus on the positive and have been trying all the different ways we covered in class.  As much as I thought that as a new teacher, I would have to use a lot of punishment to get respect and compliance, we've been having a great time.  Even my supervising teacher has become more positive with the kids. I guess its contagious. I sure hope so.
    Anyway, I was teaching a large group lesson the other day.  As usual, I was concentrating on what kids were doing right and trying to create the positive 'ripple effect'.  At the end of the lesson, I complimented the group for their attention and the 'great thought and effort' they expended.  I asked if there were any questions.  One student raised his hand.  He asked if I was going to become a 'real teacher' someday.  I replied that I was intending to be one.  He then said  'But you're too nice to be a teacher.'
    Is this the image most kids have of teachers?  If so, it's a sad commentary on our profession."

    I've also done some mime with them.  I pretended to put a smile on my face by taking it out of my pocket.  If the child wasn't smiling I would then take another one out and give it to him/her or pretend to put it on him/her.  The miming can cause a disturbance in the class, so I only do it when the student comes to my desk to have work checked.

    I've discovered, by accident, another non-verbal technique that works really well with my kids.  I ran out of stickers, so I started to put quick drawings of faces on their papers.  They were characterizations of myself with a smile or a "WOW" expression.  If I couldn't understand their handwriting I would draw a face with a squiggly mouth.  They loved it!  When I did get stickers they still wanted a doodle on their paper too.

    What surprised me the most in doing this non-verbal experiment was that I began to feel better about my job.  It felt good when a disappointed student came to me and asked why I had only put a check mark on his paper and no "Schulze face" as they call it.  I turned his paper over and he was delighted to see it on the other side.  He gave me a quick hug and ran back to his desk.  The hug was a major breakthrough for this student who usually doesn't like any physical contact.  This same student went back to his desk and made me a smiley face sticker for my notebook.  It seems that  little bit of non-verbal praise has gone a long way.
Patricia S.

 One Friday night, I have an amorous encounter and arrive home about 6 am on Saturday, tired and inebriated.  I crash on my couch.  Sometime later, I'm awakened from my stupor by the phone.  Still in the dream world, I roll over, pick it up and growl "Yeah?".  I hear "Yo, what's up?".  I ask who it is.  "Mike" is the answer.  In my impaired state, I assume that it is my best friend.  I tell him of my romantic escapade in very graphic terms.  Not getting any response from the other end of the phone during my description, I say "Some evening, huh?"  From the other end of the phone I hear "Alright Mr. A.!!!"       OH NO!!       It's one of my students!  It seems he used an internet search service to get my number (I didn't know that this feat was possible).

 Well, the story (despite my denial that it ever happened) has made it around the school, only to increase my reputation, and strangely enough, my influence on students.  Working with BD adolescents certainly is different than when I worked in general ed.

(The material below is the first part of a chapter from a book in which leaders in the field of emotional and behavioral disorders told of their personal professional history before commenting on issues in the field) Source:  Tom McIntyre (1996). Entering Uncharted Waters with Tattered  Sails and a Broken Compass.  In Ben Brooks and David Sabatino (Editors),  Personal perspectives on emotional disturbance/behavioral disorders. Austin, TX: Pro-Ed.
 

(The teacher sees one student sitting in a group give a backhand slap to the chest of another who then becomes sullen.)  "Alright my brilliant scholars, show me that you've mastered this material by creating a project related to it.  You know your team roles, so let's get to it."

(The teacher walks back to the table where the incident occurred, and rubs the head of the victimized student before placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning over to the attacker.) "Casey, please join me in the hallway for a moment."

(The teacher and the offender walk to a nearby corner of the hallway.  The teacher gently and respectfully opens the conversation.) "You seem upset with your man Derrick."

"F--- off."

"Thanks.  I hope I get some lovin' tonight too.  But first lets talk about what happened in there."

"F--- you."

"No.  I'm not available tonight. (The student quickly lifts his head and casts a shocked look at the teacher.)  Hey, seriously, why the anger?  Then tell me why I'm the target of it.  I don't see where I fit into all this.  What's up?"

"You don't give a sh-t."

"You're right.  I don't give that, but I do care about you.  What's up?"

"Man, don't no one care."

(The teacher makes a gameshow buzzer sound indicating a wrong answer.  This sound has been used by the teacher in humorous ways throughout the year.  The student tries to hide his emerging smile.)  "Don't say no one Casey, `cause you're looking at someone who does.  We've teamed up to beat problems before.  Let's do it again."

"Why you punishin' me then?"

"We haven't decided on anything yet.  But even if we do decide on consequences, don't you ever forget that everything I do is done because I believe in you.  You've got a whole lot of potential, and I'm not quitting `till you've reached it."

"Man, Mr. Mac, Derrick had it comin'.  He got smacked `cause he ranked my mamma." (The student tells his story, "venting" his emotions before becoming more reflective and open to teacher input.)

"Casey, your feelings are justified.  You've got a right to be angry, sad, upset, whatever.  But your behavior was out of line.  We've got to be sure that when these emotions crop up again, you handle the situation in a way that makes things better instead of worse.  What could you do the next time someone starts playin' the dozens?"  (The discussion continues.  Strategies for restitution and handling similar future events are considered.)

 At this point in my career, I was confident in my ability to  deal with tough street kids.  I now realized that personal attacks toward me were a reflection of a student's emotional turmoil or streetcorner training, and that if we could negotiate the shallow water hazards of foul language and other attempts to distract me from helping, we could go out to troll where the big fish swim in the deeper waters of the mind.  There we could hook onto the real issues.  Once we hauled in "the big one", we would then go back to deal with the inappropriate actions and language.   In reaching a phase where I could now turn a confrontation into a "care-frontation", I had passed through the earlier stages of teaching kids with emotional and/or behavior disorders (Foster, 1986, McIntyre & Stephanides, 1993).  When I first entered the field, I was anxious, but optimistic.  I believed that if I just revealed my concern for my kids' welfare, they would view me as being different from those other "mean" teachers.  They would realize how much I cared for them and they would care for me in return.  We would have a congenial classroom atmosphere, unlike the coercive and punitive environments of other classrooms I had observed.  If my kids misbehaved (which was unlikely with a nurturing teacher such as myself), I would conduct a "classroom conference" (McIntyre, 1987).  After our informal counseling session, they would see the error of their ways and say "Gosh, Mr. Mac.  I'm really sorry.  I'll change my behavior right now."
 Within days, I entered a second phase; disillusionment.  My kids liked me, but they didn't respect me.  They misbehaved more and more.  Out of embarrassment, I taped wrapping paper over the door window so that my administrators and colleagues wouldn't discover the rampant disorganization inside.
 Seeking respite, I went to the teachers' lounge during my planning period.  There, I was given advise such as "Get tough with them.", "Don't smile `till Christmas (Hannaka, Kwanza, etc.).", and "Keep `em under your thumb".  The angel on my shoulder was now drowned out by the stronger voice of the disciplinary devil yelling into my other ear.  My child-centered views evaporated, revealing a voice from my manly factory town upbringing:  "These kids are making you look like a fool.  You're a man, dammit.  Show them who's the boss here."
 I "got tough".  I berated, punished, and even physically coerced my pupils.  And you know what?  I did get more frequent (if begrudging) compliance.  But now my students disliked me, and I still hated getting up in the morning after a fitful night's sleep of seeing my students' faces in my dreams.
 After a particularly distasteful incident, brought on by the contrast of my coercive demands for compliance with a student's attempt to salvage his dignity and self respect, I called my director to resign.  I was not the teacher I had hoped to be.  I was hurting, not helping kids.
 I'm still here today because my boss recommended that I enroll in a behavior management course.  Things started to change quickly.  I entered a fourth stage of teaching.  I became progressively more effective at managing behavior in positive ways.  Teaching became more rewarding.  I regained my optimism and finally created that nurturing (yet structured) classroom environment I had envisioned as a novice teacher.
 I came to love my profession so much that I sought a doctorate in the area of teaching students with emotional and/or behavioral disorders.  Today, I try to instill in teachers the professional values I came to hold: always treat students with respect; provide positive and attainable challenges; encourage and recognize a student's efforts; don't view behavior directed at you as a personal affront (it's part of their disability); try positive, neutral, or "tricky" interventions before coercive ones; defuse escalating conflicts by finding ways for both parties to exit with their dignity intact; always do what is in the student's long term best interests; and use humor and have a good time in class.  Last and most importantly, never give up on a student.  Believe in his/her ability to change for the better, even though he/she is more resistant than others.

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem.  A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.  That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving  dozens of little lip prints.

Finally, the principal decided that something had to  be done.  She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with  the maintenance man.  She explained that all these lip prints were causing a  major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors.  He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.  Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Does this sound familiar?
 I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes...  I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table.  OK, I'm going to do the laundry ...BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper.  After that, I notice the mail on the table.  OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack ...BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid.  Yes.  Now where is the checkbook?
    Oops...there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook  ...BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.  I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter.  What's it doing here?  I'll just put it away ...BUT FIRST I need to water those plants.  I head for the door and ...Aaaagh!  stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed.  Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants ... BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.  END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control...And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!  I  realize this condition is serious...I'd get help ...BUT FIRST...I think I'll check my e-mail...

Lunchroom mom shows me the light!!
by Mr. Teacher, posted on 12/3/01 at 18:7.
(This piece was copied from this site's bulletin board)

Great site, just found it.  When I was a substitute teacher I had a group of kids standing in the hallway waiting to go into the lunchroom. to eat. The kids were misbehaving and I was helpless against them.  A lunchroom mom walked by, stopped and pointed out probably the: ONE kid that was not misbehaving.  She said, "I like the way Jane is behaving so well."  It was like a chain reaction!  Every kid in line stopped talking and turned around and was quiet.  A light shown down from heaven; that was the moment I realized classroom management would make or break me!  I have been reading everything on the subject ever since.
 

From the mouths of babes
One day I was reading the story of The Three Little Pigs to my class.  I came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.  I read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"   I asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"  One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy S*#!!  A talking pig!'"
 
 
 

It was Monday morning, the third week of my job as a primary teacher for emotionally disturbed children. The preparation for my new position was as thorough as it could have been - new certification and 12 weeks of intense student teaching.

Why was I then feeling overwhelmed, underqualified, and physically and emotionally wrung out? How could I face the challenge of another week? What could I do to feel like I was accomplishing something and not just surviving?

A simple quotation by Mark Twain was the answer - "You cannot throw bad habits out the window.... You have to coax them down the stairs a step at a time." Our local radio station's "thought for the day" was like a lightning bolt of awareness.

I jotted down Twain's words and began to heed their simple, yet profound, advice. I knew that "one step at a time" was a healthy approach, but I was daunted by the "big picture."

I adjusted my behavioral goals to be more manageable, choosing one behavior for each child. For example, there was Jeremy. He cried, swore, and ran around the room, creating chaos. We isolated a single behavior - running around - for a single hour at lunchtime. Focusing Jeremy's and my energy worked! The other children witnessed Jeremy's success and we all began to rejoice in small victories.

As the weeks passed, other bits of timely wisdom miraculously appeared as I needed them. There was the reminder from Montessori that "A child's work is to create the man he will become." Aha! The big picture was also important. Balancing long-term vision with short-term goals makes for good common sense and great teaching.

"There is a definite difference between putting your nose in other people's business and putting your heart in their problems." This offered me the confidence and strength to work with families as part of a team, and in unique circumstances, to reach out into a child's life beyond school.

During a particularly trying time with a student I was reminded that "Children need the most love when they are least lovable." What a lifesaver! I thought. From that day on, all the scribbled inspirations buried in a pile on my desk began to transform into their current state - a display of doughnut-shaped paper versions of these "Lifesavers" in all the candy colors. On each construction-paper Lifesaver I hand-lettered an inspirational quote that I wanted or needed to see every day.

Every two years or so my most tried-and-true Lifesavers grow faded and tattered. It took me years to finally laminate them. Somehow finding new quotations and rewriting old ones on freshly cut Lifesavers affirms their importance and is a labor of love.

In the center of the wall of Lifesavers remains my anchor, the heart of everything I do, from Trouble and Troubling Children by Nicholas Hobbs: "In growing up, a child should know some joy in each day and look forward to some joyous event for the morrow."
 

Christine Haymond has taught children of all ages for more than 20 years. She currently teaches at Plains Township Middle School and writes an education column for the local newspaper, The Repository, in Canton, Ohio.

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    "Nothing you do for children is ever wasted."  Garrison Keillor of National Public Radio

    "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be a better place because I was important in the life of a child."

    When they survey "resilient kids" (those who came from terrible backgrounds and often ran into trouble), and ask them "How did you manage to overcome difficult circumstances and become a "good" person, the number one answer is something like:  "Somebody cared about me and wouldn't give up on me.  When I screwed up, they said 'C'mon, you're capable of more'.  That person never gave up on me, so I had to live up to their expectations."

On being persistent when kids' behavior is beating on your mind like a hammer:  "The hammer wears out long before the anvil."

    More on never giving up on a youngster: "The wind wears away a mountain one grain of sand at a time."

    Yet more: "Never let defeat have the last word."

    On developing esprit de corp and a sense of teamwork within your school or program: "Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together."

    When working with difficult youngsters: "Always use the word impossible with the greatest caution."

    On being resourceful and looking for new strategies when a kid doesn't respond to your system: (From the World War I cavalry) "If your horse dies, dismount."

Once upon a time there was a little hyperactive puppy...

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